So I've been thinking alot lately about how I'm doing and handling everything that's happened in the past year. It's getting close to a year since we've moved to Charlotte. As I've reflected I have come to realize that I'm doing better than anticipated. I still have problems with my emotions. I can't seem to control them or express them properly. I'm also still looking for an outlet for my anger (though I am considering asking my cousin to see if she knows of a shooting range that I could go to and borrow a gun and don't have to buy my own). I also still have panic attacks, however they are fewer and less often. They happen mostly when the house gets out of hand/messy. I've been working hard on that as well. Before my mom came to visit for my birthday, I cleaned the whole downstairs! It got messy again so now that she's gone I'm re-cleaning it! I've been tackling some small projects to get better organized as well. Hopefully now I can keep things in order.
I also got some "good news" on Friday. Stewart and I have been trying to have children full time now. We're doing everything recommended. We're trying to eat better, take better care of ourselves, exercise more, all of that. I've also taken the advice of my sisters (Surfing Sisters) and started tracking my cycle. On top of the "old fashioned" methods I've been using one of the ovulation test kits (of course digital since my previous experience with "one line or two" type tests). The basic principal of them is it shows you the best days in your cycle to conceive. I got my smiley face on Friday! I was so excited! That's all I've been able to think about now. I keep hoping and praying. Now I also get to wait.
Thanks everyone who's been there for me or to listen (read) to me vent.